Tuesday, 11 December 2012

PREMARITAL COUNSELING - DOES IT CHANGE/AFFECT THE OUTCOME OF A MARRIAGE?

Marriage counseling in Nigeria is as much a part of wedding as the bride and groom. Hardly will you find a church that will wed you and your spouse without you signing up for their marriage counseling classes. I have often wondered what the power of couples counseling is in a marriage. How many of us remember what we were taught during those classes 5 years into the marriage? You probably consciously follow the 'rules' for a few months or a couple of years after your wedding then you slip back into your real selves. Counseling can affect how a marriage turns out but is not a perquisite to a successful marriage. Having a successful marriage takes you, the real you and the ability to love your spouse for who they are. Which brings me to say, know the real person you're marrying and be sure you're okay with him/her the way they are and if more positive changes happen to them along the way, great! If not, you're still okay with who they are.

Personally, I remember very little of what I was taught during those counseling classes, but I recently stumbled upon the diary I used for those classes and after going through it, I realised that I actually remember and act in line with more of those teachings than I thought and more so because most of what I was taught in counseling was what I already knew and was a part of me even before I met my husband. Marriage counseling is great, but it doesn't guarantee a successful marriage. The life-long counseling a person has (from parents, peers, spiritual leaders and God) even before meeting his/her spouse is what determines who the person turns out to be and thus the success of  a marriage. Marriage is a life lesson that you can't learn in any class, you can only equip yourself with what you believe will help you succeed at it. When you go for premarital counseling, don't be one to just read instructions, answer proper questions, get good grades but never had proper teaching OR learning. Don't say what you think your spouse wants you to say, be true to yourselves. Never forget, it takes three (with God of course) to make a marriage work.

By the way, how many of you said yes ( or will say yes) when the man of God leading your counseling classes asked if both of you have had sex, even though you have? Hehehehe. I'm guessing none of you. Lying to a man of God now, aren't you? lol.

You know I always love to hear your opinion, so, please, share your thoughts.

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